The Journey of a couple of budding Pick Up Artists

Monday, July 24, 2006

Bla bla bla...

I feel like I am kinda lost here. Perhaps I am pushing myself too much. Things seems to be coming together but it also feels like I am plateauing. My subconscious seems like it is asking a lot of questions at the moment, it is searching for something.

Last night, I went to Falcon's place for a dinner party. Yes, dinner was sweet and the hospitality was exceptional. I really liked the dinner party because the vibe was really good. Interaction was equally spreaded, no agenda. Intellectual yet personal. There was no in-jokes, having a diverged conversation. Everyone was being real. I liked it. I was comfortable and I felt involved. There were times where I diverged conversations a bit. I listened and related back to the conversations. This is really ideal, I wish all conversations were like that. I guess I at least charmed my new friends a bit - seems like they liked me. I ended up talking to Falcon till 4am. It was good fun and we explored a lot of really cool ideas. Will definitely do it again.

I have to be careful with my defensiveness. Recently, I tend pressure myself less on making a fun vibe out of people. I have been ejecting from unpleasent interactions a lot. I simply could not talk to some people - people who I have interacted with for sometime. There are people who I get along with very well and can just talk about anything and be comfortable. Then, there are the others whom I will just have nothing to say. Perhaps this is normal, that we really dont have much in common. Or that they just dont know how to relate to others the way I wanted it to. I seem to have no problem with strangers. It always seems to be easier with strangers. I have to be careful that I am not ejecting too much out of being defensive. I kinda have been branding others boring rather quickly. Being a bit more judgementa. I guess I am still accomodating and accepting, but I simply run away and think that they don't really deserve my time.

Similar thing applies to girls... I kinda have been accepting the fact that I don't care about most girls. This is also contrasted with teh french chick where she just stands out from everyone else. I mean, why should I settle for 2nd best? If others cannot relate or be interesting or anything, why should I care? The french chick made me realise that there are others out there who I will actually like. I kinda have a raised standard in interaction these days. Eventually, I will have to deal with sub-optimal people. OH well, I dont know.

I question myself a bit. Am I loosing my confidence? I have been getting successes lately, but I question whether it was luck or its really my improved skill... I don't know, I need more consistent success as support. I think i have changed somehow, it is definitely different from before. But I have changed subconsciously. It was not decisions based. I think the change is something like - I am just Being... Maybe this is similar to the idea of the 4 stages of learning
    1/. Unconscious unknown
    2/. Conscious unknown
    3/. Conscious known
    4/. Unconscious known.
This meant to tell you how at a higher level, you've mastered your skill that you don't need to think about it. Well, most of my PU work was designed to be used subconsciously anyways...

I think I might follow up on the loose ends I have with various girls before I explore more. I will still go out and wait for opportunities but I will never go out on purpose too much. Just throw myself into situations and see what happens.

I need to learn how to AMOG people big time. I need to learn how to deal with competition as it is getting to me sometimes.

I have been doing things right for some time already. There are few things that I did wrong. It is so true that you learn more from mistakes. I feel like I didn't learn anything recently. I need to subject myself to more challenges.

Need to explore more about sexuality.


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