I, PUA

The Journey of a couple of budding Pick Up Artists

Saturday, July 15, 2006

The power of letting go


This is one of the most important, yet one of the most painful thing to learn -- The power of letting go.

It is true that you can gain better success if you are willing to walk away from your target. However, its application require skills and two very very important factors - congruence and composure. It is going to take some time to make it work.

It took me a long time to get it right. At fist, I force myself to walk away from any unpleasentness. I then ignored people on purpose. That didn't work at all and I thought the whole concept crap. I persisted anyway and it was very painful because you feel like you are throwing your chances away and there is no one but yourself to blame. After interacting with lots and lots of women, something happened - I find that I just don't care. Women is like... whatever. I pay little importance on any interaction.

Congruence
A PUA live the moment and is not weight down by the future nor the past. You have to be congruent with that philosophy in your interactions. This means that you will have to put little importance on the outcome. This doesn't mean that you shouldn't have goals and objectives in mind, but you have to be willing to take whatever that is thrown at you and still be absolutely happy about it. The worse outcome is that you just had an excellent interaction, even if you get nothing else out of it.

Composure
Knowing that you WILL have a good, enjoyable interaction with anyone and that you can walk away feeling happy - You are perfectly composed. There is no room to feel awkward, no time to feel failure, needy or any other crap that can stuff you up. You smile, and walk away if you want to. If you think you don't want to interact anymore, you simply say "It was nice talking to you, see ya".

It is amazing how powerful these two factors are -

I stopped asking for people's phone numbers because I just don't care. This is partially because I know that a phone number means almost nothing - I will probably wake up the next day and forget about what happened. If you meet someone nice, just suggests that you wouldn't mind their company and you'd be surprised how many times they offer you number exchanges.

I stopped asking for people's names (or introducing myself) because I don't even know if i want the interaction to go any further than this once off thing. I just have an excellent interaction and when its time to go, I say "Well, it was nice meeting you, we might see each other again". You will be surprised at how often people will ask you "I am sorry, what was your name again?"

I stop asking about what people do (or talking about anything about myself). I don't care, it makes no difference. If the interaction is cool, I will keep going until I have to go. If not, I will just go. You will be surprised at how keen people are, asking you "so, what DO you do actually?"

The key, once again, is to be absolutely composed and congruent. A great deal of confidence is needed to pull it off. If you seem hesitant or needy, even a tiny tiny bit, it will ruined. Once you are able to do this, you will get a random chance of people following up on you, which is about 50%. There are ways of boosting it - I usually do it by my "instant attraction" techniques.

Important note: Do not confuse "letting go" with "talking yourself out of an interaction". It is important to give them a chance, a benefit of the doubt and get yourself into an interaction. You have to create a fun, positive vibe. What is important is that you know that you've genuinely done enough.

2 Comments:

  • At 8:20 AM, Blogger Jimmy Foxx said…

    This is a great post. Something that should be read at least a few times. This is quite possibly the best example of confidence and comfort in one's self. Being able to let go.

    I've realised that there is nothing worse than feeling like "you HAVE to do something" in order to keep someone interested. That's bullshit. I used to think that way, and I used to think that if my interactions with women (in particular) couldn't be followed up or validated, then I had "lost". Well, to hell with that mindset.

    Nowadays, as soon as I feel like I'm "trying to keep" someone, or I feel that they are backing away, I stop myself dead in my tracks and say "hey that's cool, this isn't going to work out, but it was interesting in some ways and I learned something." It's no big deal. Today, I am confident in the knowledge that I am a catch. I don't need to PROVE it. I can just BE it. Quality people will gravitate toward me and we will enjoy each other's company.

    If an interaction ends, I just say "it's over, that's cool" and I keep all my dignity and self-respect. Rhod is absolutely right by describing the ability to let go as a powerful thing. And it's a vital tool in any PUA's technique. You have to be comfortable with yourself FIRST.

     
  • At 9:34 PM, Blogger Mimesis said…

    It took me a long time to work this out and I am only just beginning to understand this.

    The problem for beginners like me is that you loose comfort easily because you are not confident enough. Girls sniff that and will put the blame on you for a bad interaction... if you havn't blamed yourself already!

    I feel like there are many other factors that made it work. Something like body language, tonality etc. I uses suspense a lot and that could play a part in it.

    One very very interesting thing I learnt was from my experiments in pushing awkwardness. In the beginning, I will find myself running away from awkward interactions even BEFORE I know I am running away. To face that fear, I hang in interactions for as long as I can, even if its awkward. The results were golden - Now that I am more tolerant of it, I find that it will turn the awkwardness into intrigue, curiosity and imagination.

    Think there is some "tension" in awkwardness that can be turned around to make good use of it, (similar to C+F principle). If awkwardness is there, there is emotional tension that is attributed to awkwardness. Then, if you are completely comfortable, you will be able to turn that "bad" tension into a "good" one.

    Something like that...

     

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