The Journey of a couple of budding Pick Up Artists

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Reture of the AFC - Oneitis

At the moment, many ideas are coming together intellectually. However, I am still behaving like an AFC. I've been able to cope with it by being safe - that is, to avoid sexual tension, just be friendly. However, I have to deal with it right now. I've never gone into this stage before.

This chick totally got me man! This french chick that I met last week. Let me elaborate:

I was interested in her the moment I saw her, but I did my thing where I was finding her flaws to kill attraction. It worked and I moved on. My interest level was pretty high because I actually walked up and pawned the guy next to her. It was done so subconsciously that not much thought was put into it, I "find myself doing all the right things" as if somebody took over. For some reason, I did all the right thing as if a personality took over me. It is hard to describe, I have flashes of every aspect of all the things I should do, they were just flashes of focused areas such as, body language, listening, tonality etc. There was no reall thought put into it, but at the same time, I am aware of everything. Weird.

The good thing about it was, I was spontaneous, I was real, I was in the moment. The bad thing about it was, pretty much all I have control of is - nothing. Yup, nothing. Perhaps this is the mysterious interaction that I was looking for? It is not fun if I am totally in control, and it sucks if I am absolutely out of control. The interaction was good as is, I was happy that I had that interaction and I ended it good. As if, thats the way its always supposed to be, in my mind.

When I # closed, her, I was honest in the way that it was a shame to leave and it would be great to be able to talk to her more. But I was dishonest about even hoping for more because my goal WAS simply a close. I just wanted a good "ending" to the story. Without me knowing it, a good ending actually creates a really good "afterglow" effect"!

What happened was, at least to me, I thought about her, it was a really warm feeling from the heart. Intellectually, I let her go, I was never going to follow her up, but I did think about her over the week. I was telling everyone how cool a chick she was. Think it is my natural suppression system for me to stay composed (and not loosing my cool). Then, at the end of the week, it feels bad. I begin to try to convince myself that I had nothing. I started telling myself "stop humouring yourself, you've had nothing there. She was just being polite and the number close was to get rid of you." "You've screwed it, you pushed the phone number, never do it again, she was not into you, go back to step one..."

Just as I was thinking that, she called me. And you know whats weird? Her calling me was like the time when escasty first hit me - All my inhibition was gone, all my suppression was gone, the warm feeling from the solar plexus, the butterflys, the nervousness. Everything. I was in AFC land. I lost my cool.

First, I was not wrong about my instinct. Trust your instinct guys, you should not let your brain play tricks on you, coz it always trys. Your mind will try to convince you that others wont like you. ASSUME ATTRACTION AT ALL TIMES! Even when they tell you to fuck off! There is no reason, no evidence to support whether she will like you or not. It is a matter of choosing to make the evidences to support her liking you, or her hating you. It can support both ways, WHY CHOOSE THE NEGATIVE ONE? Never depend on evidence to convince you whether shes into you or not - ASSUME ATTRACTION!

Second, the suppression of attraction... ... ... ... ... YES! IT BUILDS TENSION! The more you suppress, the more subconscious (and hence uncontrollable) you get. Its like trying to not look at a person in a public place - the more you don't want to look, the more you FIND YOURSELF looking!!! This seems to be congruent with Juggler's method where he talked about the idea of "You cannot build tension if there is no barrier". If you are not sure if you can get the person, you will be intrigued. If you are intrigued, you start imagination. Then, you suppress your imagination and it goes into the subconscious and it makes you imagine more. This build more and more tension - you cycle this until you just can't stand it, and you burst. You get oneitis. You return to AFC.

I think I am feeling the effects of "push-pull". Each time we interacted, it was like two steps forward - First, I called her, It was ok, my interest level was neutral, then I walk away and I was happy - interest level rised. Then, I txted her, and my interest level rised. Then, She called me and BOOM! Strategic building of tension and releasing it - Never let the line go slack!

At the moment, I am feeling the full dosage of oneitis. I am feeling it in my gut, my mind goes blank (I am definitely in an altered state of mind). I spent 5 minutes writing a god damn sms. I was wondering what to wear, I was thinking about whether she likes me or not. I was cutting her short in phone conversations in fear of exposing my AFC behaviour. I am interpreting everything she said... I can't stop thinking about it and it is getting worse. I am imaginating all kinds of things about her (but not kicking her in the "you know where").

Tonight, I am meeting her. It will be interesting to see what happens there.


  • At 4:04 AM, Blogger Jimmy Foxx said…

    I suffer from this phenomenon. And although this reminds me that I have quite a way to go on this journey, I am bouyed by the fact that at last I know what's causing it and I'm finally getting a handle on it.

    Man it's gonna take some time, but it's gonna be worth it.

    The good thing about your situation, Rhod, is that you can now play with it a little bit and see what happens. Be indifferent to the outcome - one of the hardest things to do! But she is leaving town tomorrow and you can basically do whatever you want tonight to find out if she is attracted and any other information. Try not to think about a kiss close! If things are going well and you're alone with her, TRY IT to find out if she's keen. But the main thing is talking with her to see whether or not she's the kind of girl YOU would want to be with.


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