The Journey of a couple of budding Pick Up Artists

Sunday, August 06, 2006


I've only had access to an audio book of The Art of Seduction. This version of the book is not complete and is missing many things from the book. Now that I have the book, I've came across a chapter that is simply gold! This fits in very well with many of the things Jimmy and I talked about over the past few weeks - The Anti-Seducers:
    "Anti-Seducers come in many shapes and kinds, but almost all of them share a single attribute, the source of their repellence: insecurity. We are all insecure, and we suffer for it. Yet we are able to surmount these feelings at times; a seductive engagement can bring us out of our usual self-absorption, and to the degree that we seduce or are seduced, we feel charged and confident. Anti-Seducers, however, are insecure to such a degree that they cannot be drawn into the seductive process. Their needs, their anxieties, their self-consciousness close them off. They interpret the slightest ambiguity on your part as a slight to their ego; they see the merest hint of withdrawal as a betrayal, and are likely to complain bitterly about it.

    It seems easy: Anti-Seducers repel, so be repelled - avoid them. Unfortunately, however, many Anti-Seducers cannot be detected as such at first glance. They are more subtle, and unless you are careful they will ensnare you in a most unsatissfying relationship. You must look for clues to their self-involvement and insecurity: perhaps they are ungenerous, or they argue with unusual tenacity, or are excessively judgmental. Perhaps they lavish you with underserved praise, declaring their love before knowing anything about you. Or, most important, they pay no attention ot details. Since they cannot see what makes you different, they cannot surprise you with nuanced attention.

    It is best to disengage from Anti-Seducers early on, before they sink their needy tentacles into you, so learn to read the signs."

    "The best way to avoid entanglements with Anti-Seducers is to recognise them right away and give them a wide berth, but they often deceive us. Involvements with these types are painful, and are hard to disengage from, because the more emotional response you show, the more engaged you seem to be. Do not get angry - that may only encourage them or exacerbate their anti-seductive tendencies. instead, act distant and indifferent, pay no attention to them, make them feel how little they matter to you. The best antidoteto an Anti-Seducer is often to be anti-seductive yourself."
Hmmmm, So, we were right. Many many things we talked about was exactly this! They are red flags. It seems like this is well documented, I am interested to see what Doc. Love has to say about that.


  • At 6:18 AM, Blogger Mimesis said…

    More goodies from the chapter:

    Nothing is more infuriating than being paid no attention. In the process of seduction, you may have to pull back at times, subjecting your target to moments of doubt. But prolonged inattention will not only break the seductive spell, it can create hatred...

    ...A lot of people pay too little attention to details, the signals another person gives. Their senses are dulled by work, by hardship, by self-absorption. We often see this turning off the seductive charge between two people, notably between couples who have been together for years. Carried further, it will stir angry, bitter feelings. Often, the one who has been cheated on b y a partner started the dynamics by patterns of inattention.

    There is nothing more anti-seductive than feeling that someone has assumed that you are theirs, that you cannot possibly resist them. The slightest appearance of this kind of conceit is deadly to seduction; you must prove yourself, take your time, win your target's heart. perhaps you fear that he or she will be offended by a slower pace, or will lose interest. It is more likely, however that your fear reflects your own insecurity, and insecurity is always anti-seductive. In truth, the longer you take, the more you show the depth of your interest, and the deeper the spell you create.

    In a world of few formalities and ceremony, seduction is one of the few remnants from the past that retains the ancient patterns. It is a ritual, and its rites must be observed. Haste reveals not the depth of your feelings but the degree of your self-absorption. It may be possible sometimes to hurry someone into love, but you will only be repaid by the lack of pleasure this kind of love affords. If you are naturally impetuous, do what you can to disguise it. Strangely enough, the effort you spend on holding yourslef back may be read by your target as deeply seductive.

    ... In real life there are many who cannot be educated. They are too literal and insensitive to the details that contain seductive power. They do not so much repel as irritate and infuriate you by their constant misinterpretations, always viewing life from behind the screen of their ego and unable to see things as they really are. Meilcour is so caught up in himself he cannot see that Madame is expecting him to make the bold move to which she will have to succumb. His hesitation shows that he is thinking of himself, not of herl that he is worrying about how he will look, not feeling overwhelmed by her charms. Nothing can be more antiseductive. Recognise such types, and if they are past the young age that would give them an excuse, do not entangle yourself in their awkwardness - they will infect you with doubt.

    ...These are men and women who seem to be searching for an ideal partner. The one they have is never quite right; at first glance a person excites them, but they soon see faults, and when a new person crosses their path, he or she looks better and the first person is forgotten. These types often try to work on the imperfect mortal who has excited them, to improve them culturally and morally. But this proves extremely unsatisfactory for both parties.

    The truth about this type is not that they are searching for an ideal but that they are hopelessly unhappy about themsleves. you may mistake their dissatisfaction for a perfectionist's high standards, but in point of fact nothing will really satisfy them, for their unhappiness is deep rooted. You can recognise them by their past, which will be littered with sort-lived, stormy rpmances. Also, they will tend to compare you to others, and to try to remake you. You may not realise at first what you have gotten into, b ut people like this will eventually prove hopelessly anti-seductive because they cannot see your individual qualities. Cut the romances off before it happens. these types are closet sadits and will torture you with their unreachable goals.

    ... When Casanova first met the spanish lady, two things about her repelled him. First, her pride: rather than engaging in the give-and-take of seduction, she demanded a man's subjugation. Pride can reflect self-assurance, signaling that you will not abase yourself before others. Just as often, though, it stems from an inferiority complex, which demands that others abase themselves before you. Seduction requires an openness to the other person, a willingness to bend and adapt. Excessive pride, without anything to justify it, is highly anti-seductive.

    The second quality that disgusted Casanova was the countess's greed: her coquettish little games were designed only to get the dress - she had no interest in romance. For Casanova, seduction was a lighthearted game that people played for their mutual amusement. In his scheme of things, it was fine if a woman wanted money and gifts as well; he could understand that desire, and he was a generous man. But he also felt that this was a desire a woman should disguise - she should create the impression that what she was after was pleasure. The person who is obviously angling for money or other material reward can only repel. If that is your intention, if you are looking for something other than pleasure - for money, for power - never show it. The suspicion of an ulterior motive is anti-seductive. Never let anything break the illusion.


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