The Journey of a couple of budding Pick Up Artists

Monday, September 11, 2006

Insight from SL

So, internet dating have become more and more acceptable. The stigma associated is slowly deteriorating, we hear endless stories of people cheating on the net, meet new people, hooking up and even getting married. Increasingly, more and more people are going for these ways of meeting people and more likely than not, a lot of us have gave it a go.

True, there are success stories but there are thousands of failures and the long term results might not be so ideal. And also true is that there are still resistance and disapproval from lots of people about the whole internet thing. However, the other truth is that the new generation have been grown up with the internet. There is a whole new generation of people who grew to embrace digital life as a real way of life. Afterall, what is real? what is important? If your interaction via the net isn't real, your interaction via the phone real? fax? letters? Well, how about emails? Casanova certainly did think letters are a true form of seduction and intimate interaction!

The internet is different, thats for sure, the mode of interaction and the instantaneous nature of it as well as the disposable nature of it exists. But just as easy as you end a relationship with someone, you can quickly get another one. No one have done studies on the logetivity of an online relationship but what abut in Real life (RL)? Are we realistic in our belief towards the authenticity of RL relationships?

Food for thought...


  • At 2:51 AM, Blogger Falcon said…

    My initial thinking was that net dating would be so much more efficient than RL ... and it is! It is too efficient, in fact, and this leads to the disposable nature of the whole thing that Mimesis was talking about.

    I think another problem is that it attracts people that may have trouble communicating and connecting in RL :) (me included I guess). It attracts people jaded with their past relationships, looking for that perfect combination of looks, personality and heart. Well the sad fact is, doesn't matter how you meet , people are still people! with all their faults and idiosyncrasies (nerd speak for "quirks").

    The disapproval of net dating I think stems for a romantic notion that you should meet someone "by accident", by seredipity. On the net its much more of a "meat market", almost clinical in nature. Everything is out there in the open (whether accurate or not is another matter).

    How do people meet in practice? At school, uni and work!! How predictable, boring and unromantic.

    I don't think it is important to meet in a romantic situation... better to meet someone with whom you are compatible, and can share lifes experiences.

    Online communication has its pros and cons. Having an online chat you can peek into someone's mind (and soul??) ... you are not distracted by their clothes, speech, skin colour etc etc.. How much do we judge people before they open their mouths? You will meet and speak to people you would not have otherwise in RL.

    SL seems like the tip of the iceberg of what will be possible in the future. Imagine putting on a virtual reality suit and literally flying around the internet!!

    A most delicious morsel of food to feed the hungry mind...

  • At 6:57 PM, Blogger Jimmy Foxx said…

    And hunger is what drives us. It's animalistic.

    Your post is dead right and I agree with all of it.

    I think the best thing about sarging is that you establish the presence of attraction within 5-30 minutes. Done. Sure, I've heard that some say you can "grow to be attracted" to someone over time, but I have found this to be the exception rather than the norm.

    People are judgemental creatures - I am guilty of it too. On the net, you can find a match, but once the photo is sent - bang! - it's make or break. Very few of us say "well, that person is not attractive, but I'll give it a go". Because on the net, you can shut things down and block the other person from your life at any time and whenever you feel like it. This technique is also used to keep psychos away, but for the most part, people flake out on other people even at the slightest whim. What this does is shut down a possible soulmate - over nothing.

    Sign of the times, I guess.

  • At 10:09 PM, Blogger Mimesis said…

    I think Falcon's analysis is correct. The net is considered to be a meat market, and the gathering place for low life sociopaths. That it is unromantic, or robotic.

    The truth is something that requires great analysis of the situation. Is this perception correct? We don't know. Deep down, we have the answer that perhaps it might not be that much different.

    Afterall, it depends on what you are after, right? Whether you are looking for a romantic encounter, or a stable long term, loving partner. It is what you chase after that matters and keep in mind that one way or another, there is a ying and a yang for everything - expect trade-offs.

    People have unrealistic expectation of life, of what they want. They want more and do not want to accept the trade-offs.

  • At 10:39 PM, Blogger Mimesis said…

    One thing I learnt about life from the whole sarging training is that - you have to risk it to win it.

    I used to not show my flaws, fearing that being myself will cut down my chances. But sarging taught me to make the most out of your qualities. NOT pretending to be someone you are not (which is to hide yourself and be tentative. You let others judge you! Like Jimmy said, it will make or break - by letting them judge you, you get rid of the people who will be wasting your time.

    You try to please them by not being yourself, by pretending to be someone you are NOT, then you pay the price and you screw yourself over.

    Same for dumping girls - if a girl is not for you and you are too afraid to tell them to go away - you are wasting you own time.

    Being judgemental have its merits, and we have to make good use of it. Recognise it and honoring some level of judemental behaviours in human beings will give you great power in your success with sarging.

  • At 11:14 PM, Blogger Jimmy Foxx said…

    Risk = Pain + Joy + Frustration + Benefits

    How heavy are each of the components on the right-hand side of this equation?

    Sometimes you start with a little joy, then experience frustration, receive some benefits, then end it with pain (equal values of each).

    Other times you get is a lot of joy and benefits at the start, only to receive an equivalent (or higher) amount of pain and frustration at the end (BIG highs and BIG lows).

    Sometimes you get only a fraction of joy and benefits, which often leads to a small amount of pain and frustration at the end (SMALL highs and SMALL lows).

    In my opinion, each of the components on the right hand side are never equal to zero. There's always a bit of each there - even if it's only tiny.

    Furthermore, if these components are high in value, it is HIGH RISK. If they collectively add up to something small, it has been a LOW RISK endeavour.

    I guess sometimes we don't know the risk at the start. Other times, we know something is high risk (because we want it more, for example) so we roll the dice and take our chances, knowing that one or more of the components will be high in value (and we hope those high-value components are "Joy" and "Benefits", while "Pain" and "Frustration" are kept to a minimum).

    Naturally, low risk endeavours result in only minor impacts from the 4 components.

    I suppose it's about keeping your eye on red flags - if you feel something is high risk, you better make sure she brings you high Joy and Benefits and as little Pain and Frustration as possible!


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